The shortest distance between two points is a straight line - and to travel that straight line requires a crow, because crows (as is common knowledge) can only fly in straight lines and right angles. Seen from above the path of a crow looks alot like this:
This is why the original 1982 digital moving picture "Tron" uses the french word for "crow" as its namesake. Who knew? It's true.
The shortest distance to completing a building permit application is not a straight line but rather a series of inter-connected random paths. For this, a chicken is probably a better reference and fortunately DC supplies a how-to video demonstrating the proper application filing process found HERE and embedded below:
And so it was with this approach that we filed for building permit last fall and applied for our second story addition back in late September 2010. But, this being DC and our house being a "giving tree" of broken promises we found our building lot to be in non compliance with the city's zoning code. Now, our house dates to sometime around 1900 and the cities zoning ordinance dates to about 1958... as such our house, like many others, was built before this city, and most modern cities had invented the term "zoning"and the delightful fee structure to support it. So sometime around 1900 the lot for our house was created by the most accurate means available at the time:
and was filed nowhere and promptly forgotten. As zoning codes were invented our lot and most others too narrow for classification were just sort of left off the books as well - coded as "800" lots and punted to later generations for verification. Any additions or expansions need to be dealt with via the user friendly process of ZONING VARIANCE and SPECIAL EXCEPTION UNDER SUB HEADING 223. for which you need one of these:
subtle
And a public presentation in front of the Board of Zoning Adjustment after 4 months of filing review. This is played out live via DC public access television for all to see and I assure you carries all of the excitement and suspense of a crime drama cross examination.
"This meeting is called to order, Mr. Cooke what do you have to say for yourself about this Zoning Variance?"
"Now you're talking zoning variance and I'm talking special exception"
"Well Played sir"
"..and might I add you look radiant in black, and not at all like you're hiding a pregnancy"
"Oh Mr. Cooke..."
*Whip-crack noise*
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